I’d cruised the coffee sections of grocery stores intent on picking up a bottle of creamy pre-mixed coffee, not expecting to find Coke among them. Unfortunately for Coke’s coffers, I hadn’t turned to them as a caffeine source outside of a meal. ![]() I’d never agreed with the stuff in the past - I view Cherry Coke and Orange and Vanilla Coke as abominations upon the deity of Coca-Cola. So there I was, cracking open a flavored Coke. So there I was, sitting on my couch, when my partner approaches me with what appears to be a beverage monstrosity: Coca-Cola with Coffee: Vanilla flavor. We will unite with the Dunkin Mochas and the Starbucks bottled Frapuccinos. The head executive turns back to the lone dissenter, who now shakes violently, realizing that his vocalized opinion has cost him everything. “The end of the Caffeine War is nigh,” says another scientist, whose clipboard has only a few words written on it: “BREAK INTO COFFEE DRINK MARKET.” “That is a risk we are willing to take, Jermaine,” says the scientist. People are so polarized about where they get their caffeine - either from us, Big Soda, or our mortal enemies, Big Coffee - and if we unite into one there will be chaos in the streets.” The Caffeine wars, as we all know, have sustained us for many years. ![]() The other board members nod sagely, barring one, whose face is marred in utter disbelief and horror.“You spent so long thinking about how you could,” he wails, “that you simply did not consider whether you should. “Johnson,” he says gravely, “I do not understand how you have managed to combine these two into such a royal concoction, but I think it has been done.” The head executive, who wears exclusively Coca-Cola branded fuzzy slippers which are, at this very moment, perched on the glass-top table as he leans back in his expensive leather chair, thinks for a beat, and then hops out of his chair with the grace of a leaping bunny. I imagine the Coca-Cola executives sitting in a big, fancy board room on a penthouse somewhere warm, wearing matching Coca-Cola ties and branded water bottles as they sip experimental versions of Coke and try not to offend the scientists who stand bravely in front of them.
0 Comments
Leave a Reply. |
Details
AuthorWrite something about yourself. No need to be fancy, just an overview. ArchivesCategories |